I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
