trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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