I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
