Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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