then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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