Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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