The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
