HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
