guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
