What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize