I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
