put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
