Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
