i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
