i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
