I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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