Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
