Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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