you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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