I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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