Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
