Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just gift wrapped bread.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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