after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
