in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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