I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
