I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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