you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
