he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
