I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
