Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
