oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
