he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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