I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
is wine microwaveable?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
