He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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