I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
