Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
