The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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