16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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