Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
