she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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