btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
