I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
