Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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