waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize