did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
