do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
