remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
