I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
