btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
