Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
