i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she pinky promised me she was 18
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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