u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
