dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
