there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
