I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
