You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize