3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Can I color on your dick again?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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