i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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