nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
