You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
