No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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