A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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