I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
