i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
