i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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