It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
