I will die if light touches me.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
