help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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