I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
