Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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