there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
