Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
