if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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