My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ttyl tear gas
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
