they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
