Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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