dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize