Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
