his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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