I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
