Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
