You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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