At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
