i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
two words: eviction party
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dicks are not precious.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
