Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
