I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
