Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
