Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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