sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
